Just a smidgen of guilt

I am heading out of town today. This time, alone, to Connecticut. No, not to take more pictures (although I'll have my camera with me), but to meet up with 2 girls that have known me a long time. Back to the high school days. I am so excited to go, to see them, but feel slight guilt. I mean, I did JUST get back from a trip where I left my kids. To galavant with my husband--most expenses paid. When I've mentioned to a few people that I feel bad going now, most say, "don't, you deserve a break, I wish I could, etc." But I'm sure some are thinking "wow, how selfish, leaving AGAIN." Well maybe they arent' thinking it, maybe it's just me thinking it. Like I said, just a smidgen. I've got my Raisonettes, chocolate covered cashews, ipod shuffle, and my People magazine to keep me company on the plane.

Alyssa started her pre-school this week. I dropped her off on Tuesday at my friend Jackie's house, we are doing the swap again and I'll teach every 6 weeks. She is LOVINGher new backpack and so prouf of it and has to show everyone (in which everyone is required to ooh and aah over it for her to be sufficiently pleased). Orange shirt was Tuesday, Pink this moring. The middle two are actually her "jammies" (daddy dressed her last night).

CLICK TO ENLARGE

I left her and I headed out to try to find a new shirt for my trip. The excitement of shopping alone, left me sad to not have the companionship of my little ones. Weird, I know! I've had them all summer so close to me, and now back to school, and with Alyssa in pre school, it's odd. Yes, its nice to hit 10 different stores in 1 hour, but I would be ok with 1 in an hour like old times. Even now, as I write this, Alyssa is in her pre school and I think, "Should I have kept her home today, the day I leave town, to play with her in my final hours?" When I've left my kids, I think...."If per chance, I don't come back, what will be their last memories?" I always get a little surprise--toy or candy--to leave with a note as my farewell for them. And if I don't comback (heaven forbid some sort of accident) will they think, "my selfish mother, galavanting on one of her trips" or will they think "she loved life enough to take adventures?" I have too much to do next week and the week after, so I'll be coming back--don't get all morbid on me, now.

I went to see the boys at lunch and said my farewell's. I brought along a ding dong to give them since I didn't pack any kind of treat for their lunches--I decided to bring one with me. This is a special treat. Even as I type this, I am home alone...all packed...all ready...just waiting for the time to pass to get Alyssa, play a little, then head out.

My friend Jessica will have Alyssa at 2pm today til Michael gets her at 5:30ish and then she'll have her all day tomorrow 7am-3pm when Michael gets home. I watched her little guy last week while she was on a trip, so it worked out perfectly. Another friend, Stacy will get my boys from school on Thursday and bring them home until Michael picks them up.

I know they will have a fun weekend with Michael, but I get sad at what I will miss out on while I'm away. On a side note, check out these carrots we've been growing all summer....now don't they look delectable???