Last year I posted some pictures AND our wedding video, so if you missed it,
CLICK HERE. This year, I thought I'd be bold and share the
joyous story of Michael and Kristen and how we came to be. (And as usual, this is quite long). I love hearing the intricate details of how a man and a woman court each other, the ups, the downs, the stories, etc. When we have new families over to our house for dinner, I have to ask this, and most usually it turns back around to us...how did we meet? I usually start with, "We met at
BYU, we were in the same ward, lived in the same apartment complex." Sometimes that's enough details for people. Other times they ask for more, and depending on my mood and my frame of mind, I share more. So, if you've got time...sit tight, here's the real deal. The extended version, for you and for me, and for those family members whom I'm not quite sure know the whole story.
Michael wanted me to add that this is the story from MY point of view and promises to share his version at a later date.
You see, our story can be construed to some as quite odd. I've often seen cringes, or looks on the faces of others as if to say, "
thats weird" or sometimes they actually say it. Yes, I acknowledge the weirdness of it all, but in order for someone to truly understand the beauty of our story, I have to tell every detail. I don't like how I/we are perceived without them hearing every detail. So here I go, every detail.
I met Michael in
January 1998. I had just graduated with my Associates Degree early from Ricks College, now
BYU-Idaho. My brother, Ryan, had returned from his 2 year mission to Brazil, just a few month before and I was to be joining him at
BYU (in Provo, UT). Before, I had hitched rides from others for the 4 hour trek between the 2 schools. I was so excited to be near my big brother, I even moved into the same apartment complex that he lived in,
Canyon Terrace. It was split down the middle, boys on one side of the complex, girls on the other. Ryan was on the 2
nd floor in apartment #22 and I was on the 3rd floor in apartment #39. I could see into his window (if you see the picture from the link, it was a U-shaped complex). And a
cute boy named Michael was just 2 doors down from my brother, in apartment #20.
I noticed lots of cute boys in that first few weeks at my new school. Cute boys everywhere! My roommates in #39 had been there the previous semester and had already befriended the boys in #20, so I just fit right in hanging out with them. I hung out with my brother and his roommates a lot, and then he got engaged, and they just wanted to hang out with each other.
By the time March fell around, my big crush landed on Michael in #20. Our apartments hung out a lot, and we were all good friends. I guess I was expecting a big "asking out on a date" but that never happened. In early April, I was meeting up with a friend from Idaho in downtown Salt Lake, and she had a boyfriend. So I needed to bring a male counterpart. Naturally, I asked the cute boy, Michael, to come with me, but I didn't see this as a "date" per
se. At least
thats what I wanted to tell myself in order for it to not be...."I asked him out on our first date." But he
see's this as our first date, nonetheless. He had ample time to ask me out, and he didn't. We did hang out quite a bit, but it was hard to break through what I saw as a "shy" exterior (though he doesn't like this descriptive word). It was just awkward at times.
End of April, I went home to Houston for the summer to work. Email was very new (remember, 1998) and I didn't quite have my own account yet (nor did I realize how easy it was to get one). But I knew my DAD had a work email, so I got it from him and gave it to my friend Michael to see if he cared enough to keep in touch over the summer. He stayed in Provo for the first summer term, then went home to California.
About a month into the summer of me asking my dad if he had
recieved any emails from my
BYU friends to me (and got nothing), I decided to figure out how to get my own account. My very first email:
krissybears @
hotmail. It was a
knickname I had growing up. I decided to take the bull by the horns, swallow my pride, and contact Michael via email. Very casually asking how his summer had been, etc. He responded right away saying he had tried to email me at my dad's email, but it bounced back or something.
AGHHH!!! I couldn't believe it! He actually HAD tried to email me, maybe he DID care, just a little! It was very exciting. I was quite giddy about it, but had to try to be casual and not overly zealous. Over the course of the summer, we emailed each other maybe once a week. He told me of places he visited in California, we chatted about our mutual friends, he told me his little brother came home from his mission, etc. To me, it said: "I'm interested, when we get back to school in the fall, its all about you and me."
So we got back in the fall:
September 1998. He was in the same apartment #20 and I was, too: #39. I could see his kitchen table from my kitchen 1 floor above. I liked that. I was so excited to see him and had big plans for how our courtship would unfold. The first time I saw him, I have vivid memories of that first hug...in his apartment, he was cooking something. We embraced with the BIGGEST hug. It was wonderful, it was amazing, it confirmed to me that it wasn't all in my head, that he might actually be interested, that he'd talk to me about going out that evening, it would progress from there.
But sadly, all that I'd conjured up in my head just didn't happen. A few weeks went by, and it was only our apartments hanging out. Nothing specific from him to me. I was pretty bummed. I figured it was just a "friend thing" on his end, and for some reason or another, in my head, I wasn't good enough for him...either
physcially or spiritually or something. From his perspective, he just wasn't in a hurry, wanted to take it slow (and that says a lot about both of our personalities--STILL--I'm in a hurry, and he likes to take it slow).
I was craving attention from a boy. It had been over a year since I had dated someone, and that was back in Idaho. Before my
BYU transfer, I had gained weight, and started to feel bad about myself a bit. That summer, I ran a lot, lost my weight, and started to feel good again. Michael's seeming disinterest was an additional blow to my dating desires.
But there was someone who did show interest in me, and it just so happened to be Michael's new roommate, and younger brother, Steve. Just home from his 2 year mission to Italy, he also hadn't dated in a while. I see our whirlwind 3 week dating adventure as 2 people who liked to stay up late,
exhange lots of crazy stories, and needed to have someone to listen. We have similar personalities in that we kinda like to be the center of attention and therefore I don't believe it would have ever worked out long term. We are both quite strong willed, and would've "butt heads." But in that time, it didn't seem that way. He was very upfront about his freshman girlfriend, Jen, who was at the time serving her mission in Argentina. Though he hadn't seen her in 2 years and wouldn't for another year, he wanted me to know about his feelings for her, and he carried around a negative of her in his wallet. I really wanted to print that negative. It didn't bother me...after all, she wasn't there, and I was:) So we hung out a lot, late evening walks, treats at 7-11. Innocent fun. I needed someone to have fun with, and
thats exactly what it was. I didn't think long term (as I usually did in relationships) and just enjoyed his company. My roommates warned me about ruining ties with Michael, but I was sure that Michael was something that would never pan out, so didn't think too much on that one. After all, he wasn't interested.
Steve and I hung out a lot with his friend Curtis. Ironically, back in the day, Steve, Curtis, and Jen would hang out a lot. Curtis was a sounding board to each of us as he came to be a close friend of mine and watched our relationship under a microscope. Looking back at this 3 weeks, its amazing that so much happened in such a small amount of time. Curtis would mention to Steve and I individually that it was going too fast (though I didn't think it was). Curtis was starting to push the issue of marriage, which totally freaked me out. Too much, too soon. It basically left me feeling quite unsure, and though I really liked the time we spent together, I didn't see it as long term, and I was pretty sure he didn't either. It was time to bring it to a close. Though in private we had kissed and held hands (this is the gasping part I get from people) it wasn't something that we did in public, or in front of our roommates, though they did know we were "an item." This was mid October 1998...just to keep your bearings.
The breakup was amicable (which never seems like it really can be) but I knew he was on the same page as me. He did inform me that we could never been friends, because he had never stayed friends with anyone he had dated before, but I assured him that it was a priority to me. His friendship meant too much to me to not have anymore. The next month was awkward, but after that, it seemed to fall into place that we could be friends. He mentioned to me (after the awkwardness was over) that he thought his brother Michael and I would be good together. I had ruled out that possibility and couldn't believe he was bringing it up. At that point, through dating his little brother, Michael and I were able to
move past awkwardness and have a better friendship. After all, we knew we were "off limits" to each other after I dated Steve. I honestly hadn't considered it a possibility until Steve basically paved the way for such a thing to happen.
(above, my 2
roomates b-days in Nov. 1998)
I remember one night in late November, there was a concert on campus and a bunch of us were going to go. Somehow everyone else backed out except: Michael, Steve, and myself. It was a very interesting situation, but not awkward for me, as I felt a deep friendship with each of them, but after Steve's statement, my feelings for Michael started coming back. Steve seemed to sit as a silent observer that night. I sat in the middle of the two brothers. I talked a lot to Michael that night and somehow he asked what are things I look for in a future husband. I remember specifically mentioning 3 traits that started with an "H", all that my father possessed:
Happy, Humble, and Honest. I invented those up that night (hadn't
pre planend the "H" thing) but as I said them, I realized Michael had all those qualities and it became evident to me that my feelings for him were deeper than I realized.
December came around and we all made preparations to go home for the holidays along with cramming for finals. I hesitate to mention this next event, and only do so occasionally, but I really see it as an integral part in the development of mine and Michael's relationship. Even talking about it makes me quite emotional. 2 nights before we were to all part, a close friend of ours attempted to take her life. Fortunately, she was fine, and was taken to the hospital in time, but it shook us all up quite a bit. Michael and his roommates were called right away (middle of the night) by her roommates, and I found out the next morning...just before my last final. I felt sick, I felt responsible for not being able to be with her the night before because I was studying. I was the only one who knew (out of that group) she had struggled with depression, and I felt the weight of the world on my shoulders.
I couldn't even concentrate on my final and even wrote a note to the teacher about the incident, hoping for
leniancy on what I knew was a final that was botched. I spent my last evening with my roommates quite somber, and didn't share the details with them about what happened, but they could tell something was wrong. I was just sad. I went home to Texas quite sad. I felt the only person I could talk to about it was the people also involved. Michael and I emailed nearly every day for that 2 week break. We were both sad and could both understand each others pain. The first week was all about leaning on a friend. We shared our thoughts, our pain, our
sadness, our hope, and reflected on points of the gospel that bring us peace. The second week was more light hearted.
I thought I'd be brave and bring up what Steve told me and I'd only assumed he'd communicated with Michael. That he thought Michael and I would "be good together." So I said it in an email, and
surprise surprise, the brothers had never discussed such a thing. I was slightly
embarrassed that I brought it up, but it led to further discussion and exploring each of our thoughts about the matter. But I did head back to school in January feeling (again) that things would progress as I had hoped. The brothers picked me up at the airport, as they had just flown in themselves.
This time, there was a gleam in each others eyes (his and mine), and we spent more time just the two of us. On the 3 days weekend in January (Martin Luther King Day) I flew out to see our friend who was struggling. I needed to see her. I asked Michael to take me to the airport, but he had a lab or something that he couldn't miss. But he did send me off with a thick envelope that read, "Do not open until you are 20,000 feet in the air." I was excited, and followed the directions.
Along with Jelly
Belly's, he had a several page letter hand written to me about this and that and one
golden paragraph that expressed his feelings for me. Up in that airplane, I was all alone in the universe. I could not believe it, I was SO happy! I read and re-read it over and over. One
sentence that resonated with me is, "
I feel good whenever you walk into a room... I think about you a lot, maybe too much." A girl can never get tired o f hearing that from a boy she likes. After 3.5 pages of mostly random story telling he says,
"I think that is the longest letter to ever be created by a pen in my hand." Once I landed, it wasn't something I wanted to discuss with this friend. I wanted to focus on her, so I did. I kept it all to myself (there were no cell phones to notify the roommates back home) but it was fun to keep it to myself. Not sure if it was a reality. I did email my roommate once, and Michael once or twice from my trip.
I had had back and forth feelings for Michael, uncertainties, but it was that trip that I had an overwhelming feeling/experience...that
this was it for me.
Things progressed naturally after that trip and a week or so later we had our first kiss on a very cold night. Unfortunately, it wasn't to last this time around. Michael had some personal struggles on the home front, yet he wasn't home. He didn't share very much with me at the time, but he was struggling, and he sorta said something to the effect of, "I can't do this right now." So...we halted our "relationship" and I was the supportive friend who didn't ask too many questions, but showed my availability to help when needed.
As time went by, I wondered if that was an excuse or if there was something else. It broke my heart that he didn't seem to reciprocate my feelings at the time, but I cared about him too much to just back away. I felt like I was inflicting pain upon myself on a daily basis by being so close to him, doing so much with him, yet not getting the physical affection that I craved from him. I went back to my original thoughts of, "he
sees us as great friends, and doesn't see me as someone he'd want to date/long term marry."
Though my roommates saw others things in us, I could only believe what I saw. From Feb-April, we spent nearly every day together, sometimes alone, often with our roommates who all hung out (and inter dated). Valentines weekend we all stayed at my grandparents house in North Ogden and they commented that Michael was the only one who seemed to care about their stories. I still refused to believe it was anything more than his "niceness." I couldn't allow myself to believe it. (February 1999)
2039--forever
He did things like leave a stuffed animal at my apt. for me, got me tickets for a dance show that he knew I wanted to see, made himself available for me when I asked, helped me study/memorize for finals. I pretended I was okay with all of it, but I was kidding myself. I showed my sadness to my roommates, but put on a happy face for him.
(March 1999)
(helping me memorize scriptures for my religion final: April 1999)
(hiking the Y: April 1999)
he and his brother sandwiched between me & my roommates (April 1999)
I was accepted into a study abroad program in the Spring of 1999, and I was getting ready to go. I would spend 7 weeks in Jerusalem and then a week in Egypt. I was sad to say goodbye to it all, but ready to leave behind the heartache and say my final farewell's to Michael. For weeks, I conjured up my "goodbye letter." In the end, I wrote from my heart my gratitude for all he'd taught me, for what he meant to me, and that he will find someone amazing someday. I said goodbye. He drove home to California 2 days before I left the country. I felt good. I felt closure.
I remember walking home from a pre-trip meeting with my roommate Amy. I would leave the next day. I decided to go check my email one more time at the kiosk in Helaman Halls just before we got to our apartment. And what do ya know, an email from Michael. All I could think of was, "why is he doing this to me?" But I read anyway, and
my jaw dropped to the floor. Only because I have our binder full of emails/notes in front of me do I have the quotes. My favorite (can't share it all, gotta keep some things personal) says,
"I wanted to say something before I left, but couldn't because of sounding cheesy or fear....the thought of you being gone for a couple of months makes me lonely to the point where it hurts inside."
Pause...hold up...I said goodbye...I had my closure...but...What? Really? Wow.
He called that night. On the eve of my trip, and I was baffled. Amazed that I was wrong. Slightly annoyed that he waited til he was gone to tell me all he did. But, I was leaving, and what could I do about it?
Ironically, I started my trip and told all the new friends I met, (it inevitably came up) that I had a boyfriend back home (though it felt odd). We had daily emails. I told him about my adventures, and he shared his. Our feelings came out quite a bit and we talked about a lot from a distance. He planned to come visit me in Houston after I got home. I was excited.
Then a week before I left the Jerusalem Center to go to Egypt, he "expressed doubt" about us in an email. Although I'd felt such happiness and peace that entire time, that was enough for me to just cut off contact (and easy too because I'd be away from email). I left and was surprised how easy it felt and how not sad I was. I was able to have fun my last week in Egypt.
I flew back to Utah to my two roommates and Steve picking me up at the airport. I'd been emailing my roommate Amy the whole time as well, so she was privy to the things that had been going on. I told them that Michael and I were officially over and I was ok with that. But guess who'd emailed me, waiting for me to arrive on US soil? He said his "doubt" email wasn't a farewell (as I took it) but just wanted to be open about his ups and downs of our long distance relationship. He still wanted to come to Houston to visit me (in a little over a week). I still felt done.
It was then that my dear friend Steve took me out to talk some sense into me. We sat at a park along the Provo River with some Martinelli's and he told me that I had to take one last chance and let Michael just come and prove himself to me in Houston. I wasn't sure I was up for that. Not even sad at that point, I just felt done. Steve continued to say how good Michael and I are for each other and that I owe it to both of us to give it one last chance.
I did, he came. I was happy, it was perfect. (July 4, 1999)
The Shania Twain song that came out then "From this Moment On" is our theme song...because through all of our ups and downs, from the time he came to Houston to our engagement, wedding day, and beyond, there were no more doubts or questions, we just felt happy and peace. I'm glad we got all of our uncertainties out early because neither of us ever looked back from that moment.
In August I visited his family in Cali, then he came back at the end of August to drive with me and my new car (currently the car he drives to work each day) from Houston to Provo--just the two of us.
To Michael's credit, a lot of his doubts and concerns came amidst his personal family struggles that he was weighed down by. Later on, I realized how much he was struggling from this.
(Houston November 1999, engaged)
At the end of September we got engaged at a cabin in the woods of Heber City, amid roses and a poem written just for me.
Our engagement was so much fun. So perfect. Flawless. Without drama. Just happy.
Steve's girl, Jen came home from her mission and I immediately fell in love with her (and she is still one of my closest confidants). She became my sister in law a few months after Michael and I married. December 17, 1999....9 years ago today. I look at that day...as one of the best in my life. I feel so blessed to be married to my husband, I feel we complement each other so well.
And there you have it...the story of us.
