Maybe 30 won't be so bad

Sometimes I wonder if anyone cares, today I know that many do. I've had some sadness in the past year, and besides that, turning 30 was not something I was very happy about. Numbers never mattered to me, but this birthday was something I was just annoyed by. As usual for me, the anticipation of it all brought more anxiety than the actual day. Michael and others close to me made my day perfect, and I threw my sadness over the number out the window. I've always been a big fan of birthdays. My own, or others. I don't believe when people say they don't care that much about their own birthday. Maybe someone stopped caring because nothing was done for them. I try to do my best to make birthdays special for those close to me. I fall short because it is a fairly impossible task, but I try. For my kids and husband, it is an all out hoopla celebration. And my husband knows enough how important it is for me to have the same thing. I'm not asking much, just a week set aside for pampering, gifts, and celebration.

No, really, the first birthday I had married to my husband we were driving across country. I was pregnant with Tyler (about 6 months) and in a pretty crappy hotel in the middle of Ohio I think. We got there at midnight and planned to leave at 7am and had to hurry to get to our destination by the end of that day. He got up at some obscure hour and went into the bathroom and blew up with his own breath about 50 or so balloons. He threw them all over the floor for me to wake up to. That was joyous.

Last year, he got me a charm and necklace of the number 7 because how could 7 not be my lucky/favorite number with a birthday like 7/7? So thoughtful of him, and he went to a jewelry store all by himself to order it. I seem to have misplaced that #7, but when I find it, I'll add it to my new charm bracelet.

Last week Michael said to me, "I wish your birthday was today because I am so excited for it." I've told him in the past to "lie at all costs if you do any sort of surprise for me" because I notice things...and I often find out. He planned a surprise a few years back for something and when I went asking questions, he felt guilty lying, so told me details and I became more suspicious and found out. Because of that, I gave him permission to lie when it regards a surprise for me.

Today I have recieved birthday wishes in many ways: calls, friends stopping by, texts, emails, IM's, facebook, packages in the mail, cards, balloons staked into my yard, hugs from my kids, lunch with a dear friend, dessert with a handful of friends, a foot massage from my kids and husband, and even a sneaky post on MY blog (I love my brother). To have people stop and think of me on "my day" really makes me feel special and loved. More than anyone will ever know. Michael actually started a blog all by himself for the purpose of posting loving entries from some of my dearest friends new and old. Those individuals took the time to write thoughtful messages to me, which made my cry and laugh and filled with many wonderful memories. Some memories that people have of me that I don't even remember them happening. This is such a gift to me because I love having a record of my life for myself and my kids. I love to journal, to blog, to photograph the events of my life, but I can't remember it all and my perspective is so different from those I experienced life with. So this gift of writing from others to me is so precious, so thank you for those who contributed. I thought about opening it up so others can get to know me in a different way, but some have more personal things in them and may not prefer others to read it. It's funny though, reading from high school and college friends all the crazy things I did and the person I was seems like a lifetime ago. Sometimes I wonder where that crazy girl went because I feel inhibited at times. But I've had a great life, and I am blessed to be surrounded by so many wonderful examples and love.

My final birthday wish...let me hear from all you lurkers. For all of you that tell me, "I don't know what to say" you don't have to say anything, just post with your first name so I know who stopped by:) I love to know who is actually reading what I write.

Pictures to come.