This is Reality, People.

My blog is entitled many joyous occasions because I feel like I am blessed with just that. As most scrapbooking goes, we focus on the positive. I post the picts of my fam, funny stories, but that doesn't mean that is what my life is all about. I've got the sad, the frustrating, the not so great days, too. When my husband comes home at the end of the day and asks how my day was, I don't usually like to focus on the negative. He doesn't need that when he walks in the door, and I guess I'd like to think that it isn't the first thing that I want coming out of my mouth.

A few weeks ago I was at a gathering in a room full of people that I know well. I was casually mingling when a friend of mine that I don't get to chat with very often, came up to me and said, "Kristen, how are you doing?" To which I replied, "alright." She then said, "just alright?" and I said..."yeah...." You see, I don't really care to say "good" or "fine" when I'm not feeling that way. Sometimes it opens more doors than I care to go to, but I just can't say it just to say it. She then seemed to wonder what was really going on with me, and sat by me the rest of the night asking about things, but I didn't really divulge what left me feeling....just alright.

You see, I'm pretty convinced the most of us have things that bring us to tears on a regular basis. We go around thinking that everyone has it all together and that there is something wrong with ourselves for getting angry with our kids, or not having a perfectly cleaned home, or not having all the friends we'd like, or not having the "things" we'd like, or not getting what we need from our spouse, etc. Sometimes we get bogged down by petty things. Sometimes we get saddened by legitimate things, sometimes for really important/life altering things. I've seen it all, I've experienced a lot of it myself. I guess this is just for all my friends out there that may think I am always having a joyous occasion to know that its not always rosy. I cry. I get angry. And sometimes....I yell. However, I don't like myself when I do. My kids look scared and I feel awful.

My new years resolution that I wrote up big and showed my kids is to not get angry and yell. I told them to remind me of this when I did it...and they have. And I actually appreciate it (that they remind me). I know most of us do it on occasion, we all feel awful about it, we all try to improve, but we feel better knowing that we aren't alone. I am here to say that as I've focused on this and kept it in my prayers and been continuously conscious about it, I have improved. I pinpointed the times when I found I got more frustrated and proned to yell and I've tried to find resolutions that would help me in another direction. The 2 times I found I yelled was 1) when we were late and 2) when the kids didn't do their jobs after much hounding. I would eventually become frustrated and they'd hear it. So with the late thing....I had to start preparing for departure earlier. With the job thing, we just did a whole new job chart with points and such and (we'll see how long it lasts) but its worked and I haven't hounded and felt the need to yell. Just reminding of the time and they get so many points depending on what time they finish jobs. I've found more peace and the yelling has ceased.

Then last night, another friend, Rachelle, asked me the same question as the friend at the former gathering, "how are you, Kristen?" I still had some things nagging that I was sad about earlier in the day. Not having to do with my family, but other personal things. At that moment, talking to her (mother of Quintuplets plus 2), I almost felt guilty. Realizing that what I felt sad about, I knew she could probably relate, and all of a sudden it just didn't seem so important. It's great to have people placed in your life, asking you things, just at the time you need it.

With my sis in law here for the weekend, we talked about blogs we had read, and how we have appreciated when someone writes about their honest feelings of sadness and lonliness, and heartache. I think it helps each of us to know that we are not alone when we feel this sometimes. So that made me want to write a little ditty about how my life isn't always as rosy as the picts I post. I feel so blessed to have an wonderful and supportive husband and adorable children who amaze me with their zest for life. But even though I have all that....I don't have it all, so don't go thinking that I do.

A quote I heard once that I try to remember when I come across a mean person at the store or a thoughtless act by someone I think should know better is this: "Every person you meet has a sad story that will bring you to tears." Remembering this helps me TRY to have more compassion.